mizspontaneity

Seriously.

2009-06-03T22:16:00.002-04:00

In the past few months, I've been asked to shoot two weddings and a future engagement session (pending said engagement first).

I'm terrified.

Red Letter Day

2009-04-20T20:09:00.010-04:00

**brushes off dust**

So...I haven't been taking pictures much this year...

BUT!

That's because I disappeared into my studies. You know. The "real" reason I'm here.

AND!

Today I got my project to work! (Read: My boss might decide to keep me another year.)

AND!

I might not have been taking pictures since I've been spending so much time in the lab,

BUT!

I did submit some of my photos from last year to some local contests.

AND!

Today I found out some of my photos were picked for two different publications!

This one of my friend Nick and his daughter is being published in the university's annual creative magazine review.

AND!

These two will be published as two out of a set of the four seasons for the university's coming of age birthday card series for 2009-10 that they send to every student when he or she turns 21.

I think you can guess at least one of the seasons I'm representing.

And to appease the masses, yes, new photos! With a new toy acquired since last year's Steel City Blues Festival, no less!

My desert island, all-time, top-five most memorable breakups, in chronological order

2008-12-20T00:01:00.008-05:00

Not really. I just really like that movie.

(I don't watch that many movies, so if you haven't seen it and I have...that's a shame. Especially for that movie. You should go correct that now.)

This is actually my list of top TEN (Read: 10) favorite shots that I took in 2008.

I originally had like thirty (Read: 30) shots that I whittled down to the ones seen here. There were some still lifes and landscapes, but in the end, the people won.

So without further adieu: My desert island, all-time, top-TEN most favorite shots from 2008, in chronological order.

Right Now A Star's in the Ascendant

2008-10-29T19:36:00.006-04:00

ETA: I started writing this maybe a month and a half ago but never published it. Oops. I've also added some to it since then.

Today I got stopped by a cop. And I kept on going.

I'm pretty law-abiding, so let me back up and explain.

I'm too poor and broke (and cheap) to pay for parking, so I park by this lagoon near school that has free on-street parking. The only thing is you can't park there between 7:30 and 9:30 am since it's a main road, and it blocks "heavy" traffic at that hour. (Read: This town's got nothing on my hometown's completely packed 6-lane highways.) But if you get there by like 9:40 or 9:45 am, there's no parking left.

So I usually get there around maybe 9:25, and usually I just leave for work anyway. Not today. I stop and park before I realize, OH look. There's a cop staring straight at me, just waiting to give me a ticket. (Read: I'm not the brightest crayon in the box before about noon.)

So I put the car back in drive and kept on going. Only to park like maybe 100 ft further ahead. It turned out to be serendipitous.

On any normal day, I take the sidewalk surrounding the lagoon, making sure to avoid the massive piles of goose crap. Today I decided the shortest way to get to work was to take the path through the lagoon.

Maybe I should stop and pause more often.

I originally started Project365 to not only get myself acquainted with my camera and become a better photographer, but also to slow down and take a look at what's around me, to see things in a new light. To appreciate it. Lately, that hasn't happened, despite carrying a camera everywhere, as I sit here and cram and cram and churn and churn massive amounts of (non-)data for a conference.

Today was a good reminder that I need to stop and, really, just breathe more often. It was a good reminder about why I wanted to do this in the first place.

So I'm putting it down here. You know what they say, anything worthwhile bears repeating. Tell them what you're gonna tell them, tell them, tell them what you told them. Except I guess I'm telling myself again, ha.

Why did I start this project? Last school year, I was completely out of sorts and not myself. I was tired of feeling like that and decided it was time to fill my life with the things I thought I deserved. But for the longest time, I think I had started to take a lot for granted. Things that I just believed would be true the next day, and the next, and the next. I wasn't appreciating now. I wasn't applying any effort to treasure what I already had.

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
You just might find
You get what you need
--"You Can't Always Get What You Want," Rolling Stones

Stopping to appreciate the little things? The things that make everyday go tick? Definitely necessary, but all too easy to forget. And one of the intangible reasons that I couldn't even really define for myself then why I was doing Project365. Things always seem clearer in retrospect, ha.

If you had asked me a year ago what my plans for the future were, I'd have given a very different answer -- but in some ways, that answer is still the same.

Slowly, my life is becoming so much more enriched and fulfilling than it ever was a year ago, and I am actually happier than I have been in a long time, despite the rough patches and the difficult journey I'm still going through. Before...I had become too content and let too many things slide. Now I'm realizing dreams and building boldnesses I never even had the faintest gossamer web of thought or ambition to do before. I'm beginning to question and challenge a lot more. But not only that, I'm seeking answers and feeling like I'm going somewhere, like I can make a difference. Sometimes it even surprises me, to hear some of the things I'm asking come out of my own mouth. (It amazes me even more when they happen!)

Some days I still feel like I'm trying to find and shape that new, improved version of that person I used to be. It's been a slow, painful year, filled with lots of learning experiences, and sometimes it still hurts. But slowly I'm rediscovering and redefining things about myself I can't ever believe I compromised for someone else -- and am definitely never going to take for granted again.

Earth meets sky

Show Them All the Beauty They Possess Inside

2008-09-07T15:33:00.006-04:00

I was super disappointed we didn't get to play on the inflatables on the green of Jacobs Field for Buddy Walk (silly rain), but I still had a great time shouting cheers and giving high fives to little kids (and big ones who thought they were too old for that sort of thing).

Three cheers to Sara and Emily for getting our department involved in this awesome event -- and what a way to start off the school year!

And why yes, I have a thing about photographing little kids. Something about their innocent, unsuspecting smiles just makes me happy. Even though I was cheering for them, I think I got just as much of an ego boost as they did.

Goodbye craptacular 2007-08 school year. Here's to looking forward to making 2008-09 a fantastic one!

The sun came out!

It Don't Have to Change

2008-08-10T02:26:00.008-04:00

Oh do you remember
When the family was everything?
Oh do you remember?
It was so long ago and so much has changed
I wanna go back
Wanna go back to those simple days
I wanna go back
But now we've grown and gone our separate ways

Times is hard
And things are a changin'
I pray to God
That we can remain the same
All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change
No it don't have to change

-- "It Don't Have to Change," John Legend

While I was home, I went to the reception of two very dear friends from high school.

In high school, she'd been crazy about him practically from the beginning. In high school, he couldn't have known she existed. I'm really glad he finally opened his eyes.

Being home and seeing so many old and familiar faces that I hadn't seen in a while made me ecstatic...and sad. Sad and happy at inevitable change and growth. You really can't ever go home again.

But I love you all the same.

Let the Works That I Do Speak for Me When I'm Gone

2008-07-15T19:24:00.007-04:00

On Friday night, one of my personal heroes died.

He lies in repose today in Houston's City Hall, the first man to hold such an honor in the city he helped define.

His legacy lives on in a million different ways. He invented the roller pump critical to heart-lung machines -- making open heart surgery a possibility -- while he was still a medical student. He helped establish the MASH unit and the VA hospital system. He used his wife's sewing machine to make a Dacron graft, which is now widely used to repair blood vessels. He developed artificial hearts and numerous heart assist devices, including the current pump which can be implanted into a small child. He pioneered the surgical procedure on aortic aneurysms, which later saved his own life at the ripe young age of 97. He helped build a world-class medical center with world-class surgeons, and trained many new generations to continue his work. He personally touched lives, having performed more than 60,000 operations in his lifetime.

Although there is no photographic evidence, I feel honored to have met the man and shaken his hand. But even more importantly, I feel even more honored to have worked with and worked on his inventions.

And still, his legacy lives on, as I am forever influenced by this great man to find ways to improve on his works.

Time Goes By So "Slowly"

2008-07-14T02:00:00.010-04:00

OHEMGEE! IT'S A NEW POST! (Read: OK! OK! I get the hint! grumblegrumblegrumble :0) )

Apologies for not posting in the past few months.

Although there have been some ups....

Remember this?

Yeah. I totally got it.

...it appears my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year is not over yet. The drama includes -- but is not limited to -- family, friends, relationships, research, being a graduate student....oh, and cars. In the past 2 months, my car troubles have included -- but are not limited to -- air bag indicator lighting up, headlight burning out, electrical failure...oh, and did I mention DYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD WHILE I'M DRIVING? Yes, the car was still moving.

C'est la vie.

It also appeared I ran out of space on my laptop! Can't upload pictures that way! Requires a new external hard drive! (Read: ohemgee am I so not made of money! Good thing I went home...and my parents bought me a 1 TB external hard drive. If I run out of space now, someone please take my camera away from me.) But I did take pictures!

While everyone else was oohing and aahing over the fireworks July 4, I was getting excited over some silhouettes. I wanted to enjoy myself (Read: be lazy), so I opted to bring my compact point-and-shoot Sony DSC W-70, which resulted in lots of blurry pictures and lots of cursing at myself for not being able to set the aperture or shutter speed or being able to hold steady. I still like them anyway.

Leah, Ben, Tim, Nick, and Brian

It's like we're superheroes!
Nick, Ben, Me (Thanks, Salma!), Tim, Patricia, and Brian

Patricia and Linda

Linda being pensive

Light My Fire

2008-05-13T11:10:00.002-04:00

Things have been rough around here...so here's one from the archives to appease the masses.

I wrote this a few years ago. There are no pictures today, but it's related. I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

In near darkness, with only the dull phosphorescent glow of the tick-tock timer for company, she gently washes her hands through the cold liquid back and forth, catching a whiff of acetic acid with each wave. The muse had spoken, and for many days, she had mulled over scores of ways to frame the story. Sometimes, she acted with a spontaneous whim, but today, today, she had spent the afternoon hauling the heavy equipment from scene to scene. She had set and reset her shot carefully, waited unhurriedly for the perfect mix of shadow and light. Today she had been patient.

The seconds trickled downward, and as always, she could feel her anticipation climbing. The moment of truth had arrived—would her image be technically clear? Would her meticulous composition be precise? Had she set the right texture? Had she captured the story? The clock stops, she breathes in. She turns on the light.

Feats of engineering in biological research are quite often like developing a photographic negative. There is the inspiration to the problem, the design and development of criteria for your potential solution, the setup in which you choose your materials for construction. Finally, there is the execution, the moment you determine if your product is successful or if you must adjust your negative to get a polished print. Photography is also like biology because with so many uncontrollable interactions and changing variables—such as light, temperature, space in photography; ion concentrations, drug interactions, fluid volumes in biology—the photographer and the biological engineer must be able to adapt the design to account for every situation.

To me, it is developing the negative that demonstrates the sophistication level of the photographer. The negative is the artist’s real template, relating the original scene to the audience using the photographer as the messenger, and developing a proper template requires an intimate knowledge of the work. Likewise, for me to devise a viable solution, I must understand the biology and properly apply it to the consumer’s needs. Without the artist and her negative, the story cannot be told to the audience; without the engineer and her design, the research from the bench cannot be translated to the market.

The appeal of engineering for me is the same as my excitement for photography: the wait in darkness until the careful moment of revelation, when you discover if you’ve captured the story, if your design worked. Photography requires patience, creativity, and a lot of experimentation to charm the medium to recaptivate the mood that inspired you to take the photograph. You choose the camera, film, aperture, exposure; you develop the negative according to chemicals and temperature; you print the negative depending on paper, exposure, developing time. You place the print in the developer—and you wait. Engineering requires persistence, critical thinking, and a lot of experimentation to get a successful product. You research current solutions, materials, problems; you brainstorm methods and designs; you construct according to your plan, available materials, budget. You set up a few experiments to test your design—and you wait. If it isn’t what you expect, you fine-tune what you have to see if you can get what you want—until you admit you need to take the picture again, go back to brainstorming.

Standing quietly in the darkness, there is a hush and eagerness. The timer winds down, telling me the moment has arrived. I push my film through its final wash, inject the imaging tracer into my engineered heart. Did it work? I can’t wait to turn on the light.

I Will Remember You

2008-04-21T09:55:00.007-04:00

These are my first real forays into using a zoom lens and night time photography.

I used a Nikon 55-200 mm zoom telephoto lens for these shots.

I didn't even have to edit these photos.

I think I'm really pleased with the results.

(Read: I'm in serious love!)

Let's Dance to Joy Division

2008-04-09T17:15:00.012-04:00

I've been dancing nearly my entire life.

I did ballet and pointe for 10 years, tap and jazz for 2 years. Before college, I danced probably somewhere around 12 hours per week. My ballet mistress was once a principal dancer for the New York City Ballet. She once told me very early on that if I kept working as hard as I did, I could possibly make at least corps de ballet.

But of course, I am now an engineering graduate student. (Read: My parents said do your homework.)

In college, I got busy, and dance fell to the wayside. I took the occasional dance class here and there: a semester of East Coast swing, a semester of Latins (salsa, cha-cha, merengue, tango), a semester of lindy hop. Went to a random Sunday social swing or salsa night now and again. But beyond the spontaneous jeté across the academic quad, I didn't really dance.

When I got to graduate school, I became friends with some very outgoing salsa and swing dancers. I kept getting invited to dance functions.

I've found I miss dancing.

When I'm dancing, it's just the music, connecting my partner and me. We can get to know each other in the span of 3 minutes. We don't even have to speak.

Even though we are moving through this time and space, it's only us two, suspended in our own world.

A million things may have gone wrong with my day, week, year, but when I'm dancing...I'm content.

This indescribable happiness bubbles through me when I'm dancing.

My camera lenses may not have been fast enough (Read: Mom, Dad, I would like this, this, this, or this for Christmas! Oooo! Or maybe this!) to catch all the amazingly creative body conformations seen at Steel City Blues.

But on closer inspection, I saw I captured reflections of my own joy.

That's What Friends Are For

2008-03-27T08:38:00.007-04:00

OH EM GEE. I CAN HAZ INTERNET??! IN BED?? (Read: I love Joe! For fixing my wireless internets!)

Although I am blogging from class. (Read: Bad TA.) Hey, I heard this lecture already last semester.

I know I've been bad about keeping my resolution for this blog, both because of the internet and too many personal things going on in my life that needed higher priority. But at least I kept one of my other New Year's resolutions: Visit more friends!

Best hostess EVER

I very badly needed a change in scenery, so I took the opportunity to visit Chicago for a much-needed vacation to see my friend Jen from college!

Of course I took my camera with me. What kind of question is that?

We visited all sorts of places, from the Art Institute to the zoo to the conservatory (along with plenty of shopping (Read: omg too much!) and night life in between). I've got plenty of pictures of things like cute animals and pretty flowers and fantastic, confusing art. But I found the pictures I liked the most? The intimate moments unknowingly captured.

Wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
--Impressive Clergyman, from The Princess Bride

I have to say, I am most definitely my father's daughter. We both have a penchant for taking pictures of people over something like landscapes. I think, for me, I like taking pictures of people because I feel more connected, even if it is suspended in time. I can create a whole story and allow myself to dream exactly what they're feeling in the picture.

It is, of course, ten times more difficult to capture a truly candid intimate moment with your friends. It makes me wish I had a camera with a lens that views in one direction while pointing in another. Still, I managed to capture a few.

The birthday girl enjoys a bite of chocolate pie. Yummy.

Funny face.

A quiet moment at breakfast. The light is beautiful in this picture.

A (Ladies') Room with a View

I Believe

2008-03-07T14:26:00.004-05:00

I believe when I fall in love this time it will be forever.
--"I Believe," Stevie Wonder

Maybe I believe that I'll have internet at home really soon, too. (Read: Doubtful.)

System of a Down

2008-02-18T18:57:00.004-05:00

My internet is out of commission at home, and while I could blog from work....I shouldn't.

So here's a picture of something shiny to distract you until I get working internet again.

I'd be interested in seeing what multitude of guesses result from said shiny things.

Dodging Bullets

2008-02-05T21:22:00.000-05:00

This post is late. Again. With good reason. I actually was intending originally to write about another topic, but I'll save that for another time.

Life threw me another curve ball this last weekend. The latest one doesn't change my circumstantial situation or how I fundamentally feel about it, although it does bruise my ego more than a little bit.

Even so, this latest pitch? I can't help but feel I've dodged a bullet. And found something much better.

I couldn't make it without y'all.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2008-01-27T19:50:00.000-05:00

So I am very horribly late on this post. That's because my last week looked like this:

Disaster area

That's right. It's grant writing season around here for us academics. (Read: Time for all-nighters. And you thought having a degree meant we would have learned how to avoid that in college. Really it just means we have a degree in being proficient in it.)

Self-portrait in what remains of my coffee

Unfortunately, grant writing means I read a lot of articles. (Read: I stare at anything except what I'm supposed to be reading.)

View from my stationary post of two weeks.

But I still managed to squeeze out a few pictures. In ~~this~~ last week's photos, I tried to be more cognizant of my framing. My friend Darwin and I must have been on the same wavelength, since he talked about the rule of thirds on his photography website's blog last week. Please go by to check out his amazing photographs and support his new venture!

The cloud formations also reminded me of Alfred Stieglitz's Equivalents.

Sometimes you have to take what you can get. But even with the ability to easily retouch digital photos, it's still better to get it right the first time. Especially with the last photo, I should have been more aware of how tilted the photograph was. I love the color of the sky in the last one, but I feel that the floating chandelier effect is ruined from being off-centered. Another photo did yield a more centered floating chandelier and was able to be cropped and tilted, but the sky had already changed dramatically by then.

Some rudimentary post-processing in Photoshop to reproduce the original sky was unsuccessful, but I like the result that did come out of it. I do plan on revisiting this photo though when I become more versed at post-processing photos. (Read: When I get the grant *crosses fingers* and have more "time.")

Take Me Down

2008-01-11T18:43:00.000-05:00

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight, back at me?
--"Reflection," sung by Lea Salonga

I may be a grad student (read: poor! broke! in the lab all the time!), but Christmas doesn't feel complete to me unless I put up a tree. Of course, season's end brings the inevitable decision: leave it up or box it up for the next yuletide season. Roomie and I are lazy, but we like our space.

I was taking down my ($40-worth of decorations from my $2-) tree when I caught sight of my own reflection in a shiny ornament and was reminded of this photo. Hmmm...I think this means it's play time!

Perhaps I should turn off the flash....?

Well, I knew my hands weren't that steady...How about opening the aperture? shortening the shutter speed? using my knees to steady the camera? some combination of these? Oh, and I should turn on some lights behind me!

If I were a smart woman, I would have also thought to turn on the lights on the tree. Too bad I didn't think of that until after I had taken down the entire tree. It might have made for some interesting foreground, too. In general, I should have concentrated a little bit more on framing the subject instead of just my reflection. That's what I loved about the picture that inspired this one: The intended subject of the picture was visually interesting at first glance, but it was just plain fun discovering all the new things in the fisheye lens view of the ornaments!

Another note for myself....I definitely have a distinct taste for clear, defined images. Even though we live in an age of digital manipulation and I know images can be fabricated, part of the reason I like images with clean lines is that it becomes more impossible to contradict a situation when it looks visually plausible, and when things are blurred, it becomes easier to doubt. (Wow, that sounds a lot like life, ha.) Although, one of my favorite photographers, Jerry Uelsmann, often subverts this notion.

I guess if you're comfortable with what you're doing, you've been there before.
--Jerry Uelsmann

I notice myself getting frustrated when I take a picture with blurry lines. But perhaps I should push myself and just let it happen.

I'll leave you with some fun images from my week! (Read: So you aren't looking at the same ornament over and over again!) These pictures were actually taken by my friends: Hi Brian! Hi Mary! They're both now hooked on my dSLR and want one. (Hey, I don't mind being an enabler.)

Making ice cream the old-fashioned way.

Swing dancing

A New Dawn

2008-01-07T01:23:00.001-05:00

Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
--"Feeling Good," Nina Simone version

Ever since I can remember, I have loved taking photographs. I love hearing the click of the shutter. I love feeling the weight of the camera. I love ratcheting the lever to wind the film forward...or backward. I love sharpening this crazy world into focus. There is this indescribable magic in capturing the moment.

I had rescued the moment by using my camera and in that way had found a way to stop time and hold it.
--Alice Sebold, from The Lovely Bones

When digital became easily accessible to the modern day consumer (read: poor broke student), I loved the instant gratification...and I especially loved being able to see how truly candid those spontaneous shots were! Although film photography will always be my favorite (that is a post for another day), it is undeniable that digital has wormed its way into my life. It helps that it is inexpensive compared to film photography -- and eases this perpetually broke graduate student's pocketbook!

Spending the New Year with Old Friends

Last year while browsing through some knitting blogs, I read about Project 365 and thought it was an awesome idea, but armed feasibly within budget with only the lightweight Sony Cybershot DSC-W70, I didn't have the enthusiasm to make it past day...3? This past December, however, I was gifted with something that reminded me much more of my film photography love. For my birthday, my parents gave me a wonderful new toy: a digital SLR, Nikon D40X. I think you might agree with me that that is some highly proper motivation.

For those who know me well, the last year has been extremely difficult for me, and I went (and am still going) through a lot of changes in my life. Of course, as with everyone, the new year brings about a time of reflection -- and for the first time in my life (read: not forced to do it for a school assignment), I have made some New Year's resolutions!

One of my resolutions for this year is to take a picture a day to become a better photographer, to chronicle the mind-bending transformations along with the oscillating fluctuations in my life.

Snow on my car after a two-week vacation in more summery settings.

This blog is my first and will primarily serve as a photo blog. Eventually other fragments of my personality may slowly seep their way onto the public blogosphere, but my objective for this journal is mostly to follow my discoveries in photography. I have a few goals for myself this year:

Take a picture everyday. I have a few ideas of things to explore! Like self-portraits, macros, time-elapsed photography, night photography, and action shots!
Start a photo blog (check!) and blog about at least one Project 365 picture once a week.
Become adept at using the manual mode on my dSLR.
Learn how to post-process photos (eg, Photoshop).

I plan to post all final cuts of my Project 365 pictures over at http://www.photoblog.com/mizspontaneity/ but blogging about my favorite shot of the week here. Feel free to wander back and forth -- and please feel free to leave me comments, constructive criticisms, and encouragement!

Fog on the Gulf of Mexico at sunrise, aerial view

I'm excited about the new adventures my camera and I are about to embark! Won't you join us in our journey this year?